


Hold Me

by Kajune



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Season/Series 12, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Parenting, Caring Castiel, Caring Dean, Caring Sam, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, God's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Loneliness, Lucifer Needs a Hug, Post-Season/Series 11, Redemption, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-05 15:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10311305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kajune/pseuds/Kajune
Summary: "The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack." - Keith Miller





	1. Chapter 1

Being ripped from Castiel's body was probably the most painful experience he had ever felt. By luck or misfortune, Amara did not intend to kill him. She shoved him away into the distance and he crashed landed somewhere, in a haze, and in pain. She had mutilated parts of his body by grabbing him so forcibly.

He felt like his own aunt had treated him the way a human treats a bug.

Lucifer lay roaring in agony as pain erupted throughout his true form. Once magnificent, years in the cage and by Amara's own hand he had come to lose much of his charm. His beauty was no more, and he was closer in appearance to a blood-soaked hound, a filthy creature with no purpose but to kill.

A weapon or maybe a tool, and an expendable one.

That was what Lucifer felt as he screamed into the sky. He felt like his father's apology sounded off and the longer he wailed, the more he began to notice the lack of any prayer directed at him or even his father's voice, calling for concern. Maybe Amara had murdered everyone. Fear gripped him tight at that thought. As the pain subsided Lucifer felt something else, but it was coming from outside.

His senses told him that God and Amara were departing the Earth, together.

No voice came towards him, and Lucifer was left alone in a barren land with nothing but blood and tears to keep him company. He was dealt with like a broken tool, useless and unwanted and though he could not fathom how the two siblings managed to reconcile, all he needed to understand was that God wasn't coming back for him.

He had chosen to leave the planet, without another word.

The roars that sprang from Lucifer were followed by curses directed at his own father.

As the hours passed, Lucifer remained alone as if he were back in the cage. He was a forgotten entity, suffering alone for someone else's pleasure. It was not the first time, but Lucifer didn't think others could be so cruel as to force this suffering upon him again.

The pain was still there when Lucifer gathered himself in search for a vessel. He flew with broken wings to the nearest household he could find, and the devout father needed not a second to give Lucifer consent to possession. Of course, what he was saying yes to was a very different tale from what Lucifer told him, but ever since he had been re-imprisoned in the cage, Lucifer had picked up lying.

He was done being honest when people believed he lied day and night.

Lucifer took the father out of the house and headed to the nearest entrance to Hell. He could not survive under these injuries for long, and even if he loathed the idea of asking demons for help, he was going to go find some loyal ones and have them take care of him for a while. Crowley may not approve, but that thing could try to come at him and Lucifer would smite him with every inch of strength he had left.

No mercy for the unwanted.

The father lasted just long enough for Lucifer to find two demons. They agreed to help and find him a more suitable vessel. Soon, Lucifer was placed inside a room with six demons eager to serve him in every way. The team managed to find a witch who could help upgrade a decent vessel.

Lucifer chose Nick, and the team dug him up and remade him.

Fixing up a vessel this way was tricky, and it would never be perfect. Spells and sigils would keep the vessel strong, but Lucifer doubted Nick would last for more than two years. For nearly a week, Lucifer stayed under the care of these demons, who kept him updated on Crowley, on his attempts to reclaim the loyalty of his subjects, and on the Winchesters.

Apparently, a previously deceased Winchester had been brought back to life.

No demon could find out why.

The news reminded Lucifer of the three dead brothers he wished were alive again. Only God could have made this dream come true. Unfortunately, for all God cared, Lucifer was dead too. At last.

The thought made Lucifer rage so hard, he accidentally killed two demons and alerted the neighboring buildings to his presence. Crowley, now eager to make sure Lucifer was dead, would be on his tail. Lucifer departed, leaving behind nothing but a pile of ash because he did not need witnesses.

In his new vessel, in Nick's newly improved form, Lucifer fled.

He was on the run like some wild animal that needed to be tamed. He hated it. So few years of his life were spent being free, and no one cared to ask if he needed some company. The loneliness of the cage's walls seemed to go over people's heads like, in their minds, he was having a _whale_ of a time inside that prison.

He was not.

And he was almost too sick trying to prove that to other people.

Lucifer's body still ached, but he had received adequate nourishment and care that he was able to travel more than ten miles before he needed to take a pause. He had no plan just yet, only survive. So basic. He found himself in the woods, leaves scattered all over the ground and tall trees crowding him.

It was quite peaceful.

Lucifer had wanted nothing more than to protect this beautiful planet from humans. God didn't seem to think Earth was under any threat, but Lucifer could easily tell how Mother Nature was withering away as humans lived in luxury day by day, ignorant to the cries of the animals and the trees and Lucifer, God's most beloved, was forced to stand by or suffer intense punishment simply because he was **right**.

This forest was lucky, humans had not decided to cut down every last beautiful thing here, but even as Lucifer stood admiring the place, somewhere else trees were being butchered, animals were being shredded, all because humans _needed_ things, needs that could never be fulfilled. Self-control was not humanity's best quality, their own ancestor Eve had no self-control.

And here Lucifer stood, battered and bruised while humanity flourished, as if God had needed this planet to be used as a sacrifice to humanity.

He tried so hard not to roar in rage.

Before he could take off though, a creature came running towards him. It's startled and confused state told Lucifer it was being hunted. Lucifer was rather apathetic to monsters in general. They kept the human population at bay though humans treated monsters like scum, which was ironic but only to Lucifer, who knew who the real scum were.

The creature, pale and hairless, stopped before him. It was not expecting someone to be here, and maybe it could sense what a frightening being Lucifer was. It may even be considering death by Lucifer rather than whatever was chasing it.

Gunfire shot out and the creature dashed forward, ignoring Lucifer.

But then, a bullet grazed Lucifer's cheek, and it was then that Lucifer decided to pay attention to whoever was hunting this monster.

He was more than surprised to see Dean.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The hunter cursed at the sight of him and pointed his handgun right at the archangel. Lucifer steadily raised his hands in surrender. He did not want to fight a Winchester, but he did consider this a fortunate encounter. From this human, he could gain some answers to questions that had been bothering him.

_What happened after the mission?_

_Why did his father leave?_

Dean didn't look eager to kill him. Any attempt would be futile anyhow, since they both knew the bullets did not work on Lucifer. Silver, befitting the insides of a monster than an angel, though Dean probably saw him and that creature as one and the same.

Lucifer felt bitter, that much was obvious, but he wasn't going to let it show. Dean looked rather furious, and it was best not to aggravate him. It's unclear what was upsetting the hunter, and Lucifer was half-expecting rude name-callings when Dean barked, "What are you doing here?"

The question was offensive, and it took a great deal of effort on Lucifer's part not to curse out loud at Dean. Was he not worthy of walking in nature? Was the hostile human, armed and angry, better suited to stand on this planet?

Apparently so.

He gave an answer anyway; the habit to be honest was still intact, and the situation did call for honesty. Lucifer didn't expect Dean to trust him, much less _care_ , but silence appeared to unsettle Dean more than a stack of lies.

"I'm...I'm lost." Dean eyed him suspiciously. "I have no place to go."

"Uhh, the cage?"

Lucifer's anger was at the surface, and by his next words he was unintentionally shouting at the human.

"Is that how you thank me for trying to help you? Have I not earned your trust in some way, after nearly dying on that mission!?"

Dean was taken aback by the outburst. Lucifer's rage did not appear to upset him. He looked almost sheepish, and maybe the stress of something else was making Dean bitter, not Lucifer. A clear indication was the monster's behavior. Lucifer did not recall from any of Sam's memories a time when a monster outright fled from them. It was usually the other way round.

Dean had been in an awfully bad mood just moments ago.

The gun's barrel was lowered by a few inches, Dean's defensiveness towards his long-time enemy not yet subsided. He clearly did not want to trust Lucifer, but even with that weapon and Lucifer's injuries, Dean was still no match.

Lucifer remained outwardly passive anyway, It would be a shame also if Dean chose to attack him while he was like this. God's beloved creations knew no lows, and Lucifer would have crystal evidence of it if Dean attacked him.

He might end up killing Dean if pushed, and it would be the human's fault and not his.

"So...you're out here, doing nothing, and with no place to go. Right?"

Lucifer gave him a stiff nod.

The hunter observed him for a while, but Lucifer didn't think he was being rejected. Dean was lowering the gun further down, until he was holding it loosely by the side. He looked tired.

Lucifer felt doubly so.

"You want to come with me then?"

The offer was so unexpected Lucifer wasn't sure he heard it right. Something about Dean also seemed off, like he had just been through a major emotional rollercoaster and he was on the brink of throwing aside all moral beliefs.

Lucifer understood that feeling. He had broken his own promises many a times due to repeated hardship.

Maybe the two of them were finally on the same page?

"Can I?"

He spoke with such earnest that Dean was taken aback again, but instead of making things easy for the archangel, Dean gestured to the monster that had run off.

"Help me get rid of that werewolf first. It killed a man's wife and I need to stop it."

Lucifer complied, as much he didn't feel like exerting much energy. It was rare to receive such an invitation, so Lucifer tried his best not to waste it. The two dashed after the monster and caught up to it within seconds. Lucifer immobilized it while Dean pierced its heart with a silver bullet.

The job now done, Dean guided Lucifer back to where the Impala was parked. Lucifer tried not to show his tiredness, but something told him that Dean had already noticed his weariness.

This was more apparent when Lucifer nearly collapsed in the backseat and Dean said nothing. It left Lucifer with a feeling of surprise. He wondered if Dean was being a good host simply because he realized what he owed Lucifer for all the help he got, help that nearly cost Lucifer his life.

It would be wrong to say Lucifer wasn't expecting a hidden gun aimed at him. As much as he wanted acknowledgement from the Winchesters, he knew good things never came easily to him. Those demons were barely able to serve him without nearly getting themselves exposed a couple of times. Luck alone chose to remain at his side, or chose to make a return.

To Lucifer's annoyance, Dean's first stop was the wife's house. He visited her to inform her that the thing was dead and she was safe. She hugged Dean in response and slipped him some cash. Lucifer had doubts the small bundle of money was worth Dean's efforts.

He said nothing when Dean returned to the vehicle.

* * *

Lucifer and Dean reached the bunker without a single fuss. In fact, the journey was so quiet and peaceful Lucifer had taken several naps. Dean didn't mind. Once they had reached the garage Dean shook him awake and helped him out of the Impala. Neither of them looked too pleased about this unusual act of kindness. Dean didn't resist when Lucifer pulled away in order to appear tough.

Admittedly, Lucifer was feeling better after the naps.

The inside the bunker appeared to be empty until they reached the bottom of the staircase. The younger Winchester emerged into the war room and promptly dropped his beer bottle when he saw the pair.

"L-Lucifer...? Dean! Where did he come from?"

Dean stopped in front of Lucifer and gestured, quite casually, with his thumb.

"Found him in the woods, thought we should repay him for all his good deeds. Besides," Dean walked over to Sam and muttered something into his ear. Barely able to go down the stairs without using the handrail for support, Lucifer lacked the energy to eavesdrop on them.

Whatever Dean said, Sam was not left entirely amused. He sent Lucifer a glare, more out of caution than hate, and within the next ten minutes, Lucifer was taken to and settled inside his own bedroom, right next to Sam's.

Lucifer was out cold within minutes of lying down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, I wrote the first chapter with utmost bitterness. I hope this chapter was good.


End file.
